Last-minute Halloween Ideas, BOMBER JACKET Style

Don’t be this guy. You can do better, with our help.

And now, RCE and THE BOMBER JACKET would like to offer our readers some last-minute halloween costume ideas.

We all know how it is. You’re super-busy with work/school/being in a band/drugs/reddit, and you haven’t given enough thought to your Halloween costume. Suddenly, the holiday rolls around, all your friends are going to fun parties, and you’re put on the spot, needing some clever costume so that you don’t have to go out as a Sun Drop or Average Joe. Well friends, we’re here to help. Here are a few free costume ideas from us. Many of these will be perfect for any “hip” indie parties you go to (oooooh). And we know everyone wants to be hip. But please, whatever you do, no “Tickle Monster” costumes. You will be both offensive and sexual kryptonite, and you should only be one of those at a party, not both. Try one of our ideas instead. Click on the links to get an idea of what I’m thinking. (It’s always a good idea to check out the little links I throw into these articles, but especially so for this one.) So without further ado, here’s our 2012 fabulous costume ideas for Halloween:

Lana Del Mantaray– Sure, you can just purge down to 92 lbs and be Lana Del Rey. But why not take it one step further: Put on a stingray tail, some wings, and those weird flappy things around your mouth, and be Lana Del Mantaray! Bonus points if you’re drinking Diet Mountain Dew (but don’t actually drink that stuff, it’ll kill ya).

Early Morrissey– Just watch the video, and you’ll get the idea.

You’ll need powerful hair you can make stand up straight, a shirt you can leave open to the bottom button, and some sort of bush to hang from your back pocket. Long-stemmed flowers with way too many leaves will work too (swing them around for bonus points). Remember to be sad and disinterested in everything; you’re early Morrissey. If you have a friend who needs a costume, dress them up as Johnny Marr, do a battle.

Danzig the Cat Lover“Mother, tell your children not to forget to buy fresh step.” This is a simple one. Dress in all black, get yourself some long black hair, and a skull bent buckle if possible. Carry a box of fresh step with you everywhere you go. Bonus points for adding a cat sweater, and carrying around pictures of cats to gush over when you’re with strangers. If you need more inspiration, check out this video.

Joel Gion from the Brian Jonestown Massacre– Okay, okay, I know everyone realizes by now my slight rock ‘n’ roll brocrush on Joel from BJM. He’s just such an iconic figure. He has the best job in indie rock, a billion dollar smile, and is probably the finest tambourine player in the world right now. But he’s also a simple Halloween costume. Just get yourself in some tight pants, add a denim jacket or something hipper, pop on a pair of HUGE black sunglasses. Add the biggest sideburns you can find (you may want to shave someone’s cat for these–ask first), put on a hat, grab yourself a tambourine (duh…most essential part of the costume) and strut around the world like it owes you a coke. Smile a lot, be charming, and watch the ladies fall all over themselves trying to get you to teach them the tambourine. Video provided below for research purposes.

Biggie Stardust– Pretty self-explanatory. Goes without saying that this costume works best for a specific race/body type combination. If you are as white as Mittens Romney, I’d advise against this one, and TBJ is not responsible for injury to the person caused while dressed as Biggie Stardust. For the right person, though, this costume is solid, and pretty fabulous. Bonus points if you refer to your friends as your “Diamond Dawgs.” I feel like this could also be a great cartoon on “Adult Swim.”

Chris Farley as a Male Stripper, SNL– Are you a “big boned” white dude who wishes he could be Biggie Stardust, but doesn’t want to risk his life for a costume? Try this one instead. I’m not sure where one would find the shirt collar that male strippers always seem to have. Maybe you can cut one off a shirt you don’t wear much. Add cuffs and black pants, and bang, you’re the life of the party! C’mon fellas, don’t hide your ample frame in some huge robot/Master Shake costume, let it all hang out! Grind the ladies, pull out all your best dance moves, and make multiple people somewhat uncomfortable. If anyone asks, tell them you’re “working for the weekend.” Bonus points if you bring the song with you, or get someone to play it at the party, just so you can go nuts.

Bear vs. Shark– This is a great one for the truly lazy, or for people who have a lot of stuffed animals lying around. Get a bear puppet and a shark puppet, walk around with them, and try to rock out as hard as you can. If this makes drinking difficult, you can attach them to your shirt, but it’s more fun as puppets. Bonus points if you actually dress up as a member of Bear vs. Shark as well, not that anyone knows what they look like anyway. (Note: This will work for many other animal-themed bands, including Animal Collective. It will also work if you want to go as Gorilla vs. Bear. Yes, you can be a blog for Halloween. I give you permission.)

Pitchfork– Speaking of blogs, why not dress up as the hippest indie music site around? For this one, put together an outrageous “hipster” costume. Add an actual pitchfork (a devil pitchfork is ok, but a farmer’s pitchfork is more “authentic”). Give off a strong air of being better than everyone and everything you see. Give good costumes ratings “6.2! 5.6!” and give the worst costumes 9.1 ratings, while you tell everyone “best new costume!” If you see anyone dressed as hipsters, ask them what they’re listening to. Whatever they tell you, reply “That’s so old! Have you heard Twin Shadow?” Oh, the fun you’ll have.

Young Mitt Romney– Mitt Romney was a loveable scamp when he was young. Why not relive those days by going out as young Romney? It’s easy to find Romney masks at the moment. But you don’t just want to be Mitt Romney–that’s not fun. Add a police uniform, and go as Romney impersonating a police officer. Pull people over, arrest them, go nuts. Or you can be bully Romney. Bring a pair of scissors, and a tuft of hair. Hey, why not combine them together for wacky hijinks! If you’re lucky, you’ll score with a cute Ann Coulter.

The Black Keys– For those too lazy for the Bear vs. Shark costume. Cut out a pair of big keys from cardboard or foamcore, paint black. Hey, you’re the Black Keys!

None of those work for ya? Here are some final rapid fire costume ideas: 50 Shades of Grey (go as the actual book), a Reddit Upvote, Skrillex, J Mascis’ stolen guitar, Diamond Rings, 6-Pac (you and five other people all dressed as 2 Pac), a Bigfoot dressed up as Chewbacca, Slutty Marie Curie (really, any strong female scientist/explorer/notable will work), Dr. Jacoby (for those looking for a truly obscure costume), any character from “The Mighty Boosh or “Wonder Showzen,” or my pick for biggest idiot of 2012, Tennesee Butt Chugger.

You’re welcome.

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